just tell him i said nine months
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
