I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so let's talk penis.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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