Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
