dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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