cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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