Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
