He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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