haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
