I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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