my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I touched a dick in church today
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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