you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
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I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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