Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
