Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
