Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
