Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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