She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
should my penis look like a turkey
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
