You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
