she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
