She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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