I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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