I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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