when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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