please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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