Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
