Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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