I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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