Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
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