I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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