either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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