my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
