he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she pinky promised me she was 18
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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