this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
