I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
