I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
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Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
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I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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