i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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