That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
