It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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