Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
