hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
