Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
