at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
