I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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