By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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