Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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