Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
