Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
