They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
