2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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