On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
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Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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