If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Someone came in the potted fern
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
