My nipple is on Facebook.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
