Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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