You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
