I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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