I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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