Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
