I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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