fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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