fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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