I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she pinky promised me she was 18
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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