dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
