It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
