More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You were trust falling into bushes
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
