If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Small penises have feelings too.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
