O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
