so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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