Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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