And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
