i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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