just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
